what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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