Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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