She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
