omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
