you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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