I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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