You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
