Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I want a musical about memes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
