What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
