R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
