i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
