absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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