Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
