Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
