It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
