pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
