I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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