yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
