i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
