They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
