Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
