Dual....:-)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
