Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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