my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
