Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
