Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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