There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
