I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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