Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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