We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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