this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
