Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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