I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.