Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
