I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
