I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
