so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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