I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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