too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
