i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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