she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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