so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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