You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
