his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
