super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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