i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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