Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
