I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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