u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize