apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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