I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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