Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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