I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
