i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I skipped work to stalk him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bring me that man meat
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
