I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
