dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize