you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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