are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
