you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
