I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
