We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
