so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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