In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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