one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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