dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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