the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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