i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
