Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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