so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
